Our lives have been crazy lately...and let me tell you that is an understatement for what we have been through lately. I was beginning to feel that I had done something wrong and this was god's way of paying me back or that I had made a wrong choice and this was someone's way of showing us that. It definitely didn't seem like we were being looked out for and things were falling into place like we usually have happen. I tried to tell myself everything happens for a reason, but I was beginning to think I was wrong. I was beginning to feel weighted down, short of breathe, never having time to sit and reflect, being thrown into situations without being prepared, and the worst of it all I was feeling like I had lost control. And of a mother of 3 sometimes 4 kids that is not a good feeling to have. Even with this feeling I tried to keep a smile on my face and pretend like it was okay, but deep down it was getting the best of me. How was I ever going to gain control again and be able to enjoy what I had created and my amazing family?
It was things like when you leave for a short 2 day trip to find a place to live and you call home to find out all 3 of your kids have the flu and you can't be there to help them and even worse you feel awful because you know what it is like to clean up after little kids that have the flu. Or the late night phone call the night before they want to show your house to a potential buyer and again you are in Salt Lake and have to call someone to go clean up your house so the realtor can show it. Or maybe it was when Madelynn just got thrown into school and we had no time to prepare or get ready. Maybe it is the fact that my 5 year old daughter has had to remind me a few times that I promised I would take her to the princess for a day salon for her birthday and her birthday was 2 weeks ago? I am not sure what was going to be the last straw before I exploded or broke down but I do know I was close. And then I was given a few words that I will never forget as a person!
As I was typing to a friend who offered to go clean my house while we were out of town when they wanted to show it to let her know it was okay we had it covered, but gosh god sure is repaying me for something I did bad, hopefully he forgives me soon! She replies back with "No God is Growing you for your upcoming change!"
WOW - this light shined through all of a sudden and my whole outlook on life changed in a matter of reading 9 words. You are right, god knows I need to be prepared for what is ahead and how dramatically our life is going to change. We have so much support here and have been so blessed with everyone that is a part of our lives that God knows it is going to be tough on us when we leave and we need to start preparing now.
Everyday since then everytime I am faced with something that seems a bit out of the norm I just remember those words and I am able to do anything with a positive attitude and a feeling inside that reminds me everything is for my best interest!
This person has changed my life in more ways than just this and has such a special place in my heart that will never be replaced, but has now impacted me in a way that will help me through our next adventure. I sure am lucky to have such amazing friends and family always looking out for the best for my family!
I am ready GOD I know this is going to hard and there are times when we are going to cry and want to give up but I will always be able to make it because I know you are just "growing me!"
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