We are about T minus 30 days before I will say my farewells. I am scared? I am nervous? I am anxious? I am sad? And most of all I hate the unknown. How am I ever going to be able to spend this time away from my family and be okay with it? I am trying to be strong and telling everyone that it is going to be okay but deep down I don't know if it is going to be okay. We just have so much going on right now in our lives that I am going to feel completely helpless knowing I can't help with the chaos and schedules back home of my own kids. I feel as though I am getting close to getting it all completely organized down to bags with names and days of the week on them but sometimes we know that just isn't enough there is always the unexpected like the sick baby, or the 3 year old fit, or the drama of the 5 year old.
I think that is what I am worried most about is I will have the easy part of being in Salt Lake only taking care of myself, how will Matt ever do it and my family that has most willingly accepted to fill my shoes, this life we live is crazy and it is a lot of work. I am going to feel so bad for them as I know how draining it can be and how demanding. I know they will do great, but it is still a lot to ask. They are all going to be extremely tired come March I can see it now. I promise it will come to an end and you will get a break, we just all have to stay strong for this short period. We have to support each other and remind each other it is for the kids and they are what matters most. But it is also okay to break down because it will be hard, we just have to pick each other back up!
Are my kids going to be okay without a mom for 2 months? That is a long time, I feel like I am an important figure in their life? I will be home on the weekends but we all already know how fast those go and that is when you are home during the week I can only imagine how fast mine will go when I am frantically getting ready for the next week and picking up from the week before.
And now here is the hard part. Yes I will be home on the weekends but those will be spent with my kids so I am down to my final days of living in Idaho and hanging out with my friends here and doing the things we normally do. Once I move at the end of November my time will be limited with that stuff when I am home for only 48 hours total. That is hard to think about. I have lived here for 27 years and all too soon it is going to be over and we will be calling somewhere else home. I almost feel like I am starting kindergarten again, I have to make new friends and get comfortable in a new place, and learn all the basics again for a new city we will call home.
Wow so much to digest and think about and it is all coming so fast! It seemed like we had lots of time but now we are down to the last 30 days as a family together until next spring!
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